Join in - Jokes
Monday, 13 February 2012
We need your short jokes for the newspaper!
By nwilliams
We need your short(ish) jokes to go on the Crazy But True page on the newspaper.
Please post your short jokes below and we'll put a selection of the best in the paper!
What do you think? Leave a comment below to let us know!
Please note: All comments are moderated before they go live.
Offensive comments will not be published.
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rockgirl (Age 11) wrote on Friday, 16 September 2011 @ 15:57
The other day my dad was throwing a frisbee to me. As it was getting closer, I was wondering why it was getting bigger and bigger. And then it HIT me. Get it? (I know, bad joke hey!!!)
PinkBoden (Age 14) wrote on Friday, 16 September 2011 @ 16:39
Why did the chef get arrested? Because he'd beaten up an egg! :)
minxymoo (Age 13) wrote on Friday, 16 September 2011 @ 16:43
How can you tell when a violin is out of tune? The bow is moving! By the way I play violin and thought this joke was hilarious so no one will find it offensive!
sweetcandy (Age 10) wrote on Friday, 16 September 2011 @ 16:48
A man walked in a resturant. A Panda was sat nearby. The man was curious so he watched the Panda. The Panda ate, shot the the waiter then left. The man was confused so helooked him up in the dictonary, it said: Panda - eats shoots and leaves!!!
SenseiEric (Age 8) wrote on Friday, 16 September 2011 @ 16:49
Why did Red Vist Yellow? Because They wanted to mess about!
laurcool (Age 12) wrote on Friday, 16 September 2011 @ 18:09
A panda walks into a bar. Ow.
Aishah21 (Age 16) wrote on Friday, 16 September 2011 @ 18:13
Why shouldn't you do maths in a jungle? Because if you add 4 and 4 you get ate !! :P
Millz8 (Age 11) wrote on Saturday, 17 September 2011 @ 16:54
A man walked along a road with his ill dog. he said to another passing man "My dog can talk" He said to his dog "How're you feeling" The dog said "Ruff
Millz8 (Age 11) wrote on Saturday, 17 September 2011 @ 16:54
A man walked along a road with his ill dog. he said to another passing man "My dog can talk" He said to his dog "How're you feeling" The dog said "Ruff
millieboo (Age 10) wrote on Sunday, 18 September 2011 @ 19:43
Why was 6 scared of 7? Because 7 ate 9!
millieboo (Age 10) wrote on Sunday, 18 September 2011 @ 19:44
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo and a sheep? A wooly jumper!
emma88762 (Age 10) wrote on Tuesday, 20 September 2011 @ 07:49
why does father christmas have three gardens a) so he can hoe hoe hoe!
millieboo (Age 10) wrote on Tuesday, 20 September 2011 @ 19:40
Whats the difference between a kangaroo and a kangaroot? A kangaroo jumps and lives in Austrailia, and a kangaroot is a geordie stuck in a lift! Can't get oot!
sweetpea (Age 11) wrote on Thursday, 22 September 2011 @ 13:49
These crisps were walking down the road, this man stops to give them a lift in his car. The crisps say "no sorry we are walkers." XD
sweetpea (Age 11) wrote on Thursday, 22 September 2011 @ 13:52
lol I heard this one from my friend: These men are on the top of this building, one is Scottish, one English and one American. They bet each other that they cannot fly off the building. First is the Scottish person, he could not fly, same affect with the English person. Then the American flew. Turns out that he was superman. lol. XD
Dragonite (Age 12) wrote on Saturday, 24 September 2011 @ 09:31
What do you get if you cross an elephant with a kangaroo? Big holes all over Australia!
millieboo (Age 10) wrote on Saturday, 24 September 2011 @ 17:01
Thanks Nic- mine and Aishah21's were in this week!
123LEGO (Age 11) wrote on Monday, 26 September 2011 @ 16:41
Why did the Giraffe take a long time to apologise? It took a long time to swallowe it's pride!
123LEGO (Age 11) wrote on Monday, 26 September 2011 @ 16:42
I had a dream last night that I had eaten a large marshmallow. In the morning my pillow was gone!
123LEGO (Age 11) wrote on Monday, 26 September 2011 @ 16:46
Where do lions get there toys? At a Jungle Sale.
123LEGO (Age 11) wrote on Monday, 26 September 2011 @ 16:47
How does a skeleton call his friends? On a telebone!
123LEGO (Age 11) wrote on Monday, 26 September 2011 @ 16:47
Why is the sand at the beach wet? Because the Sea Weed
123LEGO (Age 11) wrote on Monday, 26 September 2011 @ 16:51
Why are false teeth like stars? They come out at night!
123LEGO (Age 11) wrote on Monday, 26 September 2011 @ 16:51
Why do bees hum? because they don't know the words!
123LEGO (Age 11) wrote on Monday, 26 September 2011 @ 16:52
What do you get if you cross a centipede and a parrot? A walkie talkie!
123LEGO (Age 11) wrote on Monday, 26 September 2011 @ 16:53
What did the dentist say when his wife baked a cake? Can I do the filling!
123LEGO (Age 11) wrote on Monday, 26 September 2011 @ 16:53
What do dentists call a astronaut's cavity? A black hole!
123LEGO (Age 11) wrote on Monday, 26 September 2011 @ 16:54
Pupil: Sir,would you punish someone for something they didn't do? Teacher:Of course not. Pupil:Oh good, because I didn't do my homework.
123LEGO (Age 11) wrote on Monday, 26 September 2011 @ 16:54
Teacher: What do you Get if you add 4,657 and 7,854, then Subtract 678 and divide the answer by 62? Jenny: A headache!
123LEGO (Age 11) wrote on Monday, 26 September 2011 @ 16:55
Where do cows go on their holidays? Moo York!
123LEGO (Age 11) wrote on Monday, 26 September 2011 @ 16:55
Where do sheep go on there holiday? Baa-celona!
123LEGO (Age 11) wrote on Monday, 26 September 2011 @ 16:56
What does the easter rabbit say to children? Hoppy Easter!
123LEGO (Age 11) wrote on Monday, 26 September 2011 @ 16:57
What has teeth but cannot eat? A comb!
123LEGO (Age 11) wrote on Monday, 26 September 2011 @ 16:58
What has a bed but never sleeps, runs but never walks, has a mouth but not a nose? A river!
123LEGO (Age 11) wrote on Monday, 26 September 2011 @ 16:59
What runs but never walks? A nose!
123LEGO (Age 11) wrote on Monday, 26 September 2011 @ 17:00
What did the traffic light say to the car? Don't look I'm changing!
123LEGO (Age 11) wrote on Monday, 26 September 2011 @ 17:00
Why did the salad blush? Because it saw the salad dressing!
123LEGO (Age 11) wrote on Monday, 26 September 2011 @ 17:01
Were do wasps go when their ill? A waspital.
123LEGO (Age 11) wrote on Monday, 26 September 2011 @ 17:03
Where do baby gorillas sleep? In an APE-ri-COT
123LEGO (Age 11) wrote on Monday, 26 September 2011 @ 17:03
What did one wall say to the other wall? Meet me at the corner.
123LEGO (Age 11) wrote on Monday, 26 September 2011 @ 17:04
This guy went to school and he asked "May I use the bathroom?" The teacher replied, " no not unless you say your abc's." The guy said "abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz" The teacher asked "Where's the p? He replied, " running down my leg!"
123LEGO (Age 11) wrote on Monday, 26 September 2011 @ 17:05
What is better than God, poor people have it, rich people dont have it and if you eat it you will die? Nothing.
123LEGO (Age 11) wrote on Monday, 26 September 2011 @ 17:06
What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye deer
123LEGO (Age 11) wrote on Monday, 26 September 2011 @ 17:07
ITALY GOT HUNGRY ATE TURKEY SLIPPED ON GREECE BROKE CHINA WENT SHOPPING IN ICELAND AND GOT EATEN BY WALES
123LEGO (Age 11) wrote on Monday, 26 September 2011 @ 17:08
Why did the Dinosaur cross the road? BBecause chickens weren't invented!
123LEGO (Age 11) wrote on Monday, 26 September 2011 @ 17:08
Why did the chewing gum cross the road? Because it was stuck on the chickens foot!
123LEGO (Age 11) wrote on Monday, 26 September 2011 @ 17:09
Why did the pirate cross the road? To get to the second hand shop!
123LEGO (Age 11) wrote on Monday, 26 September 2011 @ 17:10
A dashund, Hound dog and a bull dog was in a doggie bar. A good looking collie came in and said who ever can put liver and cheese in a sentence can have me! So the dashund said "I love Liver and Cheese" but the collie said not good enough. So the Hounddog said "I hate Liver and Cheese" but all she said was Not creative, So the bulldog said " Liver alone Cheese mine!"
123LEGO (Age 11) wrote on Monday, 26 September 2011 @ 17:11
What did the big chimney say to the little chimney? You are too young to smoke!
123LEGO (Age 11) wrote on Monday, 26 September 2011 @ 17:11
What did the big phone say to the little phone? You are too young to be engaged
123LEGO (Age 11) wrote on Monday, 26 September 2011 @ 17:12
How do you make a sausage roll? Push it down a hill!
123LEGO (Age 11) wrote on Monday, 26 September 2011 @ 17:13
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? He was feeling really crumbie
123LEGO (Age 11) wrote on Monday, 26 September 2011 @ 17:13
why did the boy take a pencil to bed? To draw the curtains!
123LEGO (Age 11) wrote on Monday, 26 September 2011 @ 17:14
What do you call a girl with a frog on her head? Lily!
123LEGO (Age 11) wrote on Monday, 26 September 2011 @ 17:15
Doctor Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains! Pull yourself together!
123LEGO (Age 11) wrote on Monday, 26 September 2011 @ 17:16
What do you call aline of of hot barbies? a barbeque
123LEGO (Age 11) wrote on Monday, 26 September 2011 @ 17:17
Why did the strawberry go out with the plum? Because she couldn't find a date!
123LEGO (Age 11) wrote on Monday, 26 September 2011 @ 17:18
Why did the dog stay in the shade? It did not want to be a hotdog!
123LEGO (Age 11) wrote on Monday, 26 September 2011 @ 17:18
Teacher: You missed school yesterday didn't you? Pupil: Not very much!
123LEGO (Age 11) wrote on Monday, 26 September 2011 @ 17:18
Why did the toilet run down the hill? To get to the bottom!
123LEGO (Age 11) wrote on Monday, 26 September 2011 @ 17:19
What is the special offer at the pet shop this week? Buy one cat - get one flea!
123LEGO (Age 11) wrote on Monday, 26 September 2011 @ 17:20
What's yellow and makes lots of noise? Custard Screams!
123LEGO (Age 11) wrote on Monday, 26 September 2011 @ 17:20
What do you get if you cross a vampire with a snowman? Frost bite
123LEGO (Age 11) wrote on Monday, 26 September 2011 @ 17:21
What do you call a 1 eyed dinosaur? Do-you-think-he-saw-us
123LEGO (Age 11) wrote on Monday, 26 September 2011 @ 17:22
Why are babies good at football? Because they dribble!
sambarose2 (Age 11) wrote on Monday, 26 September 2011 @ 18:03
Girl: My teacher eats lemons all day long! Friend: What's her name? Girl: Miss Peel!
sambarose2 (Age 11) wrote on Monday, 26 September 2011 @ 18:04
What steals soap from the bathroom? A robber duck!
sambarose2 (Age 11) wrote on Monday, 26 September 2011 @ 18:05
What do ghosts eat for breakfast? Dreaded wheat!
sambarose2 (Age 11) wrote on Monday, 26 September 2011 @ 18:06
What do you call five bottles of lemonade? A pop group!
sambarose2 (Age 11) wrote on Monday, 26 September 2011 @ 18:08
Why did the robot start acting funny? It had a screw loose!
123LEGO (Age 11) wrote on Monday, 26 September 2011 @ 19:22
What do you call a fly without wings? A walk!
123LEGO (Age 11) wrote on Monday, 26 September 2011 @ 19:23
Why was the Egyptian boy confused? Because his Daddy was a mummy!
123LEGO (Age 11) wrote on Monday, 26 September 2011 @ 19:23
what go up but never goes down? Your age!
123LEGO (Age 11) wrote on Monday, 26 September 2011 @ 19:24
What part of a computer does an astronaut like best? The space bar!
123LEGO (Age 11) wrote on Monday, 26 September 2011 @ 19:26
What do you give birds when they are ill? Tweatment!
kicky105 (Age 12) wrote on Friday, 30 September 2011 @ 09:43
Knock, knock Who's there Cows go Cows go who Cows don't go who, they go moo
frules (Age 13) wrote on Friday, 30 September 2011 @ 15:52
two men go into a bar and one says "please can I have a pint for me and one for donkey" The barman says "why does he call you donkey" and the second man replied " I don't know - he-aw he-aw he-always calls me donkey!"
millieboo (Age 10) wrote on Friday, 30 September 2011 @ 20:14
I love that one Frules! Love it!
Cescychops (Age 13) wrote on Friday, 30 September 2011 @ 20:35
a girl goes for a haircut. she is wearing headphones. when she gets intot he shop and the man is a about to cut her hair he say'excuse me, you can't wear hearphones becuase i can't get to your hair properly' but the girl say' no i REALLY have to wear!' so the hairdressers takes them of her and she dies straight away. the hairdresser liten to her headphones and there is a voice saying ' breath in...breath out...breath in...' do u get it??!!
sweetcandy (Age 10) wrote on Saturday, 1 October 2011 @ 15:03
A man was confused when a panda in a resrurant, ate, shot the waiter and left. So he looked 'Panda' up in the dictionary, it said: 'Panda: Eats shoots and leaves'
cuteizzy (Age 12) wrote on Sunday, 2 October 2011 @ 21:05
How long does it take a gymnast to do a backflip? A split second!! (you know the splits that they do and yeah...)
cuteizzy (Age 12) wrote on Sunday, 2 October 2011 @ 21:05
How long does it take a gymnast to do a backflip? A split second!! (you know the splits that they do and yeah...)
ojn9 (Age 10) wrote on Monday, 10 October 2011 @ 19:35
Okay so, what does PC plum listen to when he's on the beat? an iplod
Prunnie (Age 10) wrote on Wednesday, 30 November 2011 @ 12:54
Q. Why were the howler monkeys so loud? A. Because they were whispering!
Moony (Age 11) wrote on Thursday, 1 December 2011 @ 17:54
Q: What do you call a sleeping bull? A: A Bulldozer!
shoeless27 (Age 10) wrote on Saturday, 17 December 2011 @ 11:59
Why did Captain Hook cross the road? To get to the 2nd hand shop!!!!!!!!!!!# HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
millieboo (Age 10) wrote on Tuesday, 17 January 2012 @ 18:31
A panda walks into a bar. Ow!
millieboo (Age 10) wrote on Tuesday, 17 January 2012 @ 18:42
Where do lions gets toys? A jungle Sale! Where do cows go on holiday? Moo York! Where do cows go out? The moovies! What do cows go into when they are angry? In a mooood! How do skeletons talk to each other? On a telebone! Why couldn't the skeleton go to the ball? He had no BODY to dance with! Hope u liked them!
Moony (Age 11) wrote on Sunday, 29 January 2012 @ 10:26
We've got the three S's at our school - sit down, shut yer mouth and STOP DRIVING ME CRAZY! :-)
ROCKINROLL (Age 10) wrote on Saturday, 11 February 2012 @ 15:44
what do spiders do when they are board??? Search the web!!
ROCKINROLL (Age 10) wrote on Saturday, 11 February 2012 @ 15:45
what was the banana ill? Because he wasn't peeling well!!!!
kicky105 (Age 12) wrote on Monday, 13 February 2012 @ 12:43
why did the dinosaur cross the road? there weren't chickens then!
kicky105 (Age 12) wrote on Monday, 13 February 2012 @ 12:43
Joke: I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned!
cowmoo1170 (Age 10) wrote on Monday, 13 February 2012 @ 14:22
Exit signs... They are on their way out
cowmoo1170 (Age 10) wrote on Monday, 13 February 2012 @ 14:23
pupil: Why does my teacher give me kisses, she must like me Mum: No they are crosses on your maths homework
footycrazy (Age 12) wrote on Monday, 13 February 2012 @ 19:05
Q: Why did the one-handed man cross the road? A: To get to the second-hand shop!!
footycrazy (Age 12) wrote on Monday, 13 February 2012 @ 19:07
Q: What do monsters have for breakfast? A: Shredded feet!!
footycrazy (Age 12) wrote on Monday, 13 February 2012 @ 19:09
Mum: Where is your homework? Boy: Ate it. Mum: WHY DID YOU DO THAT? Boy: She told us it was a piece of cake!
Zackarius (Age 11) wrote on Friday, 17 February 2012 @ 16:21
how did a farmer fix his ripped jeans? with a cabbage patch!
buzzer (Age 10) wrote on Sunday, 19 February 2012 @ 16:46
nwilliams, how long is shortish?
superdog7 (Age 12) wrote on Monday, 20 February 2012 @ 14:58
Wife : Do you want dinner? Husband : Sure, what are my choices? Wife : Yes and no.
katiebunny (Age 10) wrote on Tuesday, 20 March 2012 @ 11:46
why do giraffes have long necks?? because their feet smell!!
buzzer (Age 10) wrote on Tuesday, 20 March 2012 @ 18:08
why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side
Bubbles (Age 12) wrote on Saturday, 7 April 2012 @ 14:29
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy! I work at a bank and when people ask me to check their balance I just push them over! LOL!
k903 (Age 9) wrote on Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 16:28
There are 3 types of people in the world. Those who can count and those who can't.
k903 (Age 9) wrote on Tuesday, 10 April 2012 @ 16:30
Patient: Doctor, doctor everyone keeps ignoring me Doctor: Next please!
pianostar2 (Age 10) wrote on Thursday, 12 April 2012 @ 09:06
Here is my joke: Have you heard about the cross-eyed teacher...She can't control her pupils. Ha Ha Ha.....Do you get it?????
tan12345 (Age 12) wrote on Tuesday, 1 May 2012 @ 19:57
Q.Why did the tissue ,rolled down A.to get to the bottem
Anyaa (Age 10) wrote on Saturday, 5 May 2012 @ 09:27
Q.why did piglet go down the toilet? A. It was lopoking for pooh!
Bunnycat (Age 13) wrote on Sunday, 6 May 2012 @ 16:32
I know it's probably too late...but here's one; Woman; shall I put the kettle on? Man; No dear, I prefer the dress you're wearing.