Join in - Creative writing
Thursday, 5 May 2011
The Outside World...
By chocdragon (Age 12)
This is my poem 'The Outside World'.
Don't they ever get a break?
Tired and hungry,
Alone.
We should think ourselves lucky,
That we are not them,
And spare a thought this Christmas,
For the people living in poverty.
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6 Comments
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gecko1 (Age 12) wrote on Monday, 13 December 2010 @ 11:44
Did you write this? It is very good!!!!!
superspy10 (Age 11) wrote on Monday, 13 December 2010 @ 17:19
:)
laurcool (Age 12) wrote on Monday, 13 December 2010 @ 18:25
I like it! What I great meassage! I have one piece of advice though...Have you ever heard of Write about what you know or Write about what you have experienced? I know I am being a bit critical but I wouldn't write (even if it was a short poem) about something like that, no offense. Not in the exact way you put it. Again I do not want to offend you, just advice. I like the title too but when I saw it I thought it'd be about an imaginary world or being an outsider! Again, no offense!:)
chocdragon (Age 12) wrote on Sunday, 19 December 2010 @ 13:23
Don't worry laurcool, you don't offend me! Thanks for the advice!
chocdragon (Age 12) wrote on Monday, 18 April 2011 @ 12:24
gecko1: Yes I wrote it all by my little self! (I'm not little, btw...)
amberlily (Age 12) wrote on Saturday, 7 May 2011 @ 17:53
cool! :)